CRUSH OF THE WEEK: OSAMA BIN LADEN

Because he likes hoodies and so do I. We're a match made in jewish-muslim heaven!

BIGOT OF THE WEEK: ME

Am I totally racist/sexist or is it really hard to tell Beyonce and Shakira apart in the photo above? It's a still from their new video, which kind of sucks (as does the song) but I'm sure I'll get tons of requests for it in the next two weeks.

For good music, check out my music blog.

And for the full video, click here.

COBAIN JR.

Frances Bean! You are looking more and more like your late daddy every single day. When are you going to put out that record that everyone in the entire world knows you are going to make?

READY FOR THIS?

Reminder! I have a new music blog called Twerk It Out. I posted DJ Orgasmic's remix of the track below, though the video is superb in its own 1991 right.

PSYCHIC HOTLINE

[source]

PEOPLE CAN'T DANCE NO MORE

The New York State Supreme Court upheld an 80-year-old ban on dancing in places without special cabaret licenses, which are expensive and hard to get. I'm totally moving to Jersey where gay marriage is now legal and you can dance your pants off anywhere you'd like.

ANNA NICOLE'S CUTOUT

Mega creepy item buried in today's CNN article on the battle to bury Anna Nicole Smith:

At times, [according to Howard K. Stern on the witness stand], Smith cried herself to sleep clutching a large cardboard cutout of Daniel. She refused to accept his death, he said.

I'm gonna go snuggle up to my big cardboard cutout of Anna now.

BIGOT OF THE WEEK: VIRGIE!

Anna Nicole Smith's mom (or "birth mother," as Anna Nicole liked to say) has come out of the woodwork to blame drugs, Howard K. Stern and probably Hugh Heffner for the death of her daughter. Though Anna was estranged from her mom for like, her whole life, Virgie has no problem showing up now and offering to babysit Anna's daughter Dannilyn to the tune of $474 million. Methinks Virgie would have a hard time gaining custody though, especially since she bears a strong resemblance to Jabba the Hut.

Choice quotes from Anna on her mom (from the video below):
"She's not my mother. She's my birth mother."
"SHE DOESN'T KNOW ME!"
"She was too jealous of me."
"Bring it on, mommy dearest. Bring it on."

BIG TINGS A GWAN

Yes, I've been binging on dancehall, and yes, it has occurred to me that this isn't the best forum to share music. Hence, I present to you, TWERK IT OUT: a music blog for the people.

I've been trying to post one song a day to have a little consistency in my life but it has only been three days (fine, four. Cut me some slack). Though you can't exactly twerk to the current posts, I'm sure you can dutty wine, hula hoop and do the chicken noodle soup to at least one of the songs.

Please enjoy and email or post for requests.

TWERK IT OUT

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Happy Valentine's Day! I'll be staying in tonight and working on my blog that I've neglected for the past week or so. And yes, the picture above is supposed to represent a washed up Valentine's Day, though the heart should probably be blacker and more tarred up. Wah wahhhhhhhh.

I SECRETLY LIKE THE NEW AVRIL LAVIGNE

"I'M the motherfuckin' princess."

Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend

SPACE FIGHT!

Astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak (above, right) was arrested at Orlando airport Monday morning after allegedly driving all the way from Texas to meet and beat a young woman competing for Nowak's co-astronaut love interest Bill Oefelein (above, left). Wearing a wig and trenchcoat, Nowak jumped in the younger lover's car and peppersprayed her. Now charged with battery and attempted kidnapping, Nowak drove to Florida armed with a knife, BB gun, rubber tubing and plastic bags.

Yikes! Just imagine being stuck on a spaceship with her!

BODY FUSION

Feel the burn.

COKED UP

A Coca-Cola admin. assistant has been found guilty! guilty! guilty! of plotting to steal the soda company's secrets and sell them to Pepsi. Homegirl was expecting $1.5 million in exchange for formulas on a new product.

Doesn't this sound so Willy Wonka and retarded and 80s all at the same time? It makes me think of Billy Joel screaming "Rock and Roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore!" Like, why was he so angry about cola wars? Anywho, she's looking at 10 years in the clink, soda not included.

In sort of unrelated news, arab superstar and Coke poster girl Nancy Ajram (left) reminds me that my favorite middle eastern slut, Haifa Wehbe, got married this weekend. It is a sad day for horny straight men around the world, though I'm sure she'll divorce her rich business man husband in like, two months and start gold digging again in no time.

For now, enjoy Haifa's single, Wawa, which means "boo-boo," but is also slang for cooch.

BIGOT OF THE WEEK: DONNIE DAVIES

This doesn't really need any foreword, but be warned: it's way catchy.

That's right. God hates fags, and if you're a fag, he hates you too. Youtubers are going crazy trying to figure out if the ex-homosexual singer Donnie Davies is in fact a satirical character. Alls I have to say is: check out that handlebar moustache. Oh, and I'm signing up for...