CROATIA!

Being a big international superstar DJ, I was flown over to Croatia three weeks ago to DJ a big party at Fort Lovrijenac in Dubrovnik.


This is what the old city of Dubrovnik looks like. Pretty picturesque from all angles, no? The old city was walled in ages ago to prevent attacks from would-be rulers aka old school terrorists.


Speaking of terrorists, I flew in on September 11, which is still prime time beach season apparently.


The old city is quite charming and yet swarming with tourists (lots of Italians) who love to sit at cafes and drink cappuccinos.


This is as close to Croatian nightlife as I came. Apparently there was some live strip show that Friday at Dubrovnik's boomin' "Latino Club," but I passed it up.


Croatia has a very very very underground gay culture, which seems next to nonexistent outside the major cities. Hence, I was relegated to taking pics of men in swimsuits from afar.


Fort Lovrijenac, where I DJed a big private party later in the evening.


Local laborers had to schlep lots of equipment up to the fort for the party. This is the cloistered area where I DJed from 8pm - 4am. They wanted to keep going but some of us were a bit jetlagged.


Did I mention that Dubrovnik is overwhelmingly touristy? Inside the old city, it is sometimes hard to move around and incredibly claustrophobic.


Right after the wedding, summer ended. Literally. Like, break out your sweatshirts because its no longer sunbathing weather. Gotta love those euro fashions on the left.


When Malchiore arrived to travel around with me, we rent an apartment that was incredibly Gorgeous Gal Pal, or GGP. If you're not familiar with Gorgeous Gal Pals, click here.


GGP's tend to love flower petals, wrought iron and swirly designs.


The next morning, Malchiore (pictured here) and I took a boat to Korcula, a nearby island where we sometimes took taxi boats to and from our sprawling 1970s hotel, Bon Repos.


Dazzling local Korcula artwork.


Korcula has its own old city, which is less walled in and way less touristy. Oh, and it has a kitty alley too where all the pussers hang out.


Grandpa on a balcony. I totally wanted him to reenact that Egoiste commercial but he didn't.



Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, still popular in Eastern Europe.


Even though the taxi boats NEVER ran on time, we did happen to catch one around sunset which was quite nice.


Day two in Korcula we rented bikes and peddled to a rocky beach known as Lumbarda. Actually, this isn't Lumbarda beach but we thought its nearby and way more beautiful.


Nuns in sunglasses, 41 kilometers.


Foxy grandpas in speedos were pretty much all we saw as far as Croatian men go.


Moonlit dinner on the water in Korcula while probably being stalked at our dinner table by 10 kitty cats.


Next up was Hvar, another nearby island that was definitely my favorite, as it had yummy dining options, beautiful views and warm sunny weather.


I kept my shirt on at the rocky beach while Malchiore built a stonehenge replica.


While on a day trip to Stari Grad, a small port on the other side of Hvar, we met these drunken German motorcyclists who insisted on taking pictures with us. Apparently, there was a motorcycle convention going on unbeknownst to us.


Most of the food options in this part of Croatia are pizza and spaghetti. And ice cream. Seriously.


Frowny-faced playground ride.


Old school cars such as the Yugo (named after the former Yugoslavia, which in part became Croatia) are still plentiful.


Ah, Hvar. How lovely you are. We stayed here four days, hiking up to the town fort on the fourth day, where this pic was taken from.


BOOZY SUZY!


Finally, we took a boat up to Split, Croatia's second largest city where lots of roman ruins still stand.


Creepy street performer who gives a whole new meaning to the term hair nets.


Our bus ride back to Dubrovnik was adventurous to say the least. This guy switched off driving duties with the guy you see driving. At our short stop in Neun, Bosnia, they both got off and started drinking for a little while before finishing off the journey while forcing us to listen to their many many ringtones.


Back in Dubrovnik, we walked the perimeter of the old city wall, where you could get a good glimpse of my DJ stomping grounds, Fort Lovrijenac.


Malchiore loves fake imprisonment shots.


Inspirational anchor photos for Matt the Baker's future anchor tattoo.


Fat tourists and weird euro hair colors were pretty much the norm everywhere we went.


One of those rare handsome young Croatian boys, serving drinks at this watering hole on the outside of the old city wall, situated on a small cliff above the Adriatic Sea.


If you choose too, you can climb down to the rocks and watch the water and sunset and hope that you don't get so drunk that you can't climb back up.


Sunset on our last night in Croatia. Two weeks was a long time to be eating pizza and spaghetti but beautiful nonetheless.