AS TOLD TO THE DJ: SATURDAY NIGHT

(Two hours after my DJ set begins, a girl approaches me who has been lounging with her friends the since before I arrived.)

Girl: So what kind of music do you have?
Me: Dance-y upbeat stuff.
Girl: Like what?
Me: You've been here for two hours. Like the stuff I've been playing.
Girl: Yeah. We don't like it.
Me: Then why are you still here?
Girl: We're drunk. Do you have Eric Clapton.
Me: No.
Girl: Led Zeppelin.
Me: Not with me.
Girl: Well then just play oldies. We love oldies.