COUSINS. IDENTICAL COUSINS.

Last weekend, my cousin's wife Sarah came into the city from Connecticut to see me DJ. Unfortunately, I got bumped at the last minute, but since Sarah is my age but has 3 kids, she was like, LETS PARTY!!!!!!

So I took her to the Phoenix. Everyone was like, who's this? (isn't that what it looks like Matt is thinking here?) She wasn't drinking cuz she had to drive.

But she turned into a total pool shark! It was way crowded up front but we hung out near the pool table while she schooled every fag in the place till the bar closed at 4am.


We walked her back to her mini-van, which was plastered with like, 200 bumperstickers.

And roses on the antenna.


Then she was like, oh, I don't know where my keys are. I dropped them in the car when I shut it off but I always leave my doors unlocked anyway. So we're like, ummmmm, and she starts kicking the shit out of that cassette holder seen here cuz she thought they were behind it.

Turns out they were in her pocketbook.